golden years

Monday, April 13, 2015

newbury park

so the reason that the vast majority of the photos on my blog/in my life are of me and not nicolaus, is because nicolaus hates having his photo taken. as soon as he catches me pointing the lens at him he starts scowling and/or making inappropriate gestures...haha so it takes a lot to capture a candid moment of him. or a lot of bribing to make him pose for the camera without a look of obvious disdain on his face.

unlike my dear husband, every time he says, "go stand over there and let me take a super cute photo of you!" (only ever-so-slightly laced with sarcasm) i almost always oblige. i usually don't feel awkward in front of a camera if he's behind it and i think photos are fun to have and to take and to be in. so i say "okay!" and happily prance over to look like an idiot in front of any onlookers.

if anyone's still reading you're probably wondering why/where this rant came from...well, i'll tell you. i spent an embarrassing amount of time debating whether i should include one and/or both of the first two photos of me in this post. (#firstworldproblems) and i've decided that my facial expressions far too perfectly document exactly how i've felt about getting my photo taken since being pregnant, to not include them. because i've adapted the nicolaus as-soon-as-a-lens-is-in-my-face-scowl. and the second photo was my feeble attempt at overcoming it. haha i think it's mostly due to the incessant nausea and my entire body feeling out of wack that the last thing i want to do is have my photo taken.

aaaanways, i did not mean to go off on that for so long, buuut these photos are from our most recent trip to california. which was in february...which was two months ago...and i'm only getting to this post now...aaand i can't believe it's already been two months! but it was such a fun, fun long weekend trip we took over valentine's day! we hung out with old friends, drank a ridiculous amount of smoothies, and breathed in so much fresh ocean air. which i really, really wish i could somehow bottle up and bring back to utah with me!

p.s. my cute friend, kerry, made a blog post from that same trip here!

Thursday, April 9, 2015

april | mixtape

sufjan stevens | all of me wants all of you
beach house | take care
beach fossils | the horse
cat power | cherokee
mac demarco | passing out pieces
the drums | i hope time doesn't change him
the walkmen | the rat
bleached | electric chair
black lips | make you mine
the strokes | barely legal
interpol | specialist
chris isaak | wicked game
david bowie | soul love
devendra banhart | long haired child
the growlers | good advice
elvis perkins | while you were sleeping
the decemberists | make you better
best coast | i don't know how
the rolling stones | you got the silver

listen here

Wednesday, April 1, 2015


to give you an idea of how far behind i am on blogging life, these photos are from last fall! but better late than never, right?

well, either way, they were taken by the lovely tracy hill and taken for the clothing store, zoony, run by my talented friend, kenzie. she specializes in making these incredibly cute, incredibly comfy t-shirts with faux-leather sleeves. kenzie managed to make a shirt that is stylin' but still so easy to wear! i would definitely recommend checking out zoony and you can buy one of my all-time favorite color combos (black on black) here!

Friday, March 27, 2015

danielle's maternity shoot

i had such a great time taking these maternity photos for this pretty mama-to-be, danielle! she and her husband nate are the nicest, most fun people to be around. i met danielle nearly four years ago, through nick - she grew up near the same place he did and they had mutual friends. and it is hard to not perk up and be a little happier than usual when you are around her. she is one of the most contagiously positive people i have ever met! and she is going to make the sweetest, kindest mama. i cannot wait for their little boy to be born and to meet the little babe!!
p.s. can we also please talk about how insanely lush and beautiful her hair is?!

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

pinspiration | thank you | 15 weeks

some recent inspiration from pinterest

first of all, i would like to say one big THANK YOU to all the well wishes on my most recent blog, facebook and instagram posts when i posted our pregnancy announcement!! ha that still sounds surreal to say type. i felt like a pregnancy announcement was a bit like planning your wedding...

it's something you think about way before you need to and something you take notes on when you see other ones you like...and you think when it comes to your own, you're going to be super crafty and original...but then all of a sudden it's something you're actually doing and you don't care so much. it doesn't seem like a huge deal and you don't want to spend all that much time worrying about it or doing it. and you just want something simple and easy. haha at least that was my experience! and i'm glad there are still people not like that, so i can enjoy their creativeness :)

aaaanyways, sorry for the long side thought! and seriously thanks to everyone who offered advice and words of encouragement! nicolaus and i were feeling the love and support and are so, so grateful for it. also, i hit 15 weeks today! and i've been wanting to journal some of my thoughts during this pregnancy, so here goes nothing...

i never had much of a real fear of pregnancy. i always thought that the actual birth part was where the real terror lay. in fact, i secretly hoped that i would be one of those "crazy people who actually like being pregnant." i knew it would be weird/hard to watch my body change so drastically, but other than that i thought it would be just feeling a little lousy and extra tired for a few weeks. nothing too crazy, and something easy to just push through. and then after the morning sickness part wore off, i would feel whole and amazing with a little life growing inside of me. i imagined myself as one of those fit, yoga-doing, organic-whole-food-eating pregnant ladies.

and then i got pregnant.

i found out really early, and for about the first two weeks i was totally fine. maybe a little sleepier than usual, and if i went for too long without eating i would get slightly queasy. but totally functioning and totally fine. i was on the treadmill like three times a week and determined to stay active and moving. and then morning sickness hit. morning sickness hit like a massive tidal wave. i stopped basically all physical activity and started implementing way too much white pasta into my diet. aaaand this is where you should stop reading if your annoyed/grossed out by oversharing...

so, i am by no means prone to vomiting. pre-pregnancy it had been just over ten years since the last time i had puked. so the first time it happened a few weeks into pregnancy, i was a wreck. luckily i was at home (there have been a few public bathroom incidents and those are just awful) and nicolaus was there. and he held back my hair and rubbed my back while i not only puked, but bawled. i don't remember the last time i cried that hard. it was so ridiculous and dramatic that nicolaus was even giggling a little bit. and then i thought about how absurd it would be to walk in on a crying, puking wife and a giggling husband, that it made me giggle a little bit. which really just added to the grossness and ridiculousness of it all. haha and then nicolaus had to hold me for a solid 30 minutes while i was crying and shaking and giggling and recovering. it was all quite traumatic, but i survived.

and i've also luckily managed to function at my 9-5 design job (for the most part), since i'm usually the sickest in the morning or at night. and i've figured out what to eat/when to eat that usually will help ward off the nausea for at least short periods of time. i'm normally a very adventurous, non-picky eater but that all changed in a hurry. and my new very high maintenance ways of eating have been quite the adjustment to get used to.

and while i'm also normally someone who takes a lot of satisfaction out of staying busy and on top of my to-do list, that also all changed in a hurry. i've had to slow down a lot. especially when i managed to get a cold, recover from my cold, get a cold sore, have the cold sore heal, then get an even worse cold. those were a rough two weeks.

my job has been one of the very few productive things i've been doing these days. in a way it's been nice, to cut out a lot of stuff and i've learned a lot more about what's necessary and what's busy work that i'm just creating for myself. but on the other hand, our never-ending pile of laundry has not been so nice.

so yes, like i said in my last post, it's been hard. it's been a crazy, whirlwind trying to navigate through these last few months. but then there are the saving graces along the way that make it all worth it, and help you to keep chugging along. like when we heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time! or sweet friends going out of their way to offer fantastic pregnancy/child birth advice! or my husband fetching me a lime popsicle whenever i ask him to! or in-laws who are always checking in on me and offering help wherever they can! or my parents who are willing to take care of me when i'm sick and bedridden and nick is out of town! so i'm trying my best to focus on those moments. and just take it a day at a time. i find myself constantly repeating in my head: one day at a time.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

guess what...

yep, that is a tiny baby growing in my belly!!! and i am so, so happy that is has fiiiinally been long enough to feel comfortable to share it with the world!! it feels like i have been pregnant for about six years, but really it's only been 14 weeks and about 9 weeks of morning sickness. but i am having a hard time remembering life before nausea....morning sickness is real. and has an extremely misleading name. because it's not just in the morning. they should call it all-day-and-gets-worse-at-night sickness. 

basically, what i'm getting at is that it is way harder to be pregnant than i ever imagined. and i have a whole newfound/increased respect and awe for mothers. i just keep thinking, 'this is what women go through to have kids...and they do it more than once?!' and don't even get me started on single mothers. those ladies are the real life superheroes. 

i like to think that i'm a pretty independent person and i love having nicolaus around to share my life with, but i just like to think that i would be okay on my own if that were my situation. but i've never depended on his care and support so much, and i don't know how i could have gotten through the last few months without him. he's been by my side through the unglamorous, vomiting, blubbery meltdowns to hold my hair, or run to the store to buy me sprite and honeydew or just listen while i cry about all the weird changes my body is going through and all of the things i'm terrified for. and even though i know he's sometimes just as exhausted or stressed as i am, he manages to push past his own cranky/grumpy inclinations and is just so sweet to me. and for some reason he still loves me. that boy is a saint. 

so yes, kudos to any women who don't have that same type of support. you must be exceptionally strong, special souls. i am so amazed of their strength and it also makes me a little ashamed to have complained about my situation so much...especially because i do know that it is life's biggest miracle, and such a blessing to even be able to fall pregnant and have a body that is able to grow a little human in it. it is hard. but it's also mind-blowing and incredible.

i cannot believe that just over four years ago, nicolaus was just this boy that i randomly met and now we have this little baby growing that is half him/half me that we get to meet in a few short months! it's something i've thought/dreamed about a lot and i cannot believe it's going to be a reality soon. i cannot wait to smother that baby with sooo many cuddles and kisses.

p.s. my due date is september 17!!

p.p.s. also, i know everyone's pregnancy is different and unique to them and has their own set of ups and downs, but if anyone else out there has a down of bad morning sickness, and has found something that helps, please text/comment/message/email me and tell me about it!! i need all the help i can get!

Monday, March 9, 2015

march / mixtape

clap your hands say yeah | over and over again
wolf parade | i'll believe in anything
blitzen trapper | love u
dr. dog | heart it races
the walkmen | juveniles
deer tick | twenty miles
bob dylan | stuck inside of mobile with memphis blues again
phosphorescent | ride on/right on
neutral milk hotel | king of carrot flowers pt. 1
elliott smith | sweet adeline
iron & wine | naked as we came
m.ward | lullaby + exile
grizzly bear | gun-shy
beach house | myth
the antlers | kettering
the decemberists | make you better
tapes 'n tapes | freak out
the dodos | walking
buffalo springfield | hot dusty roads

listen here