last night nicolaus and i went to a bbq that my brother and sister-in-law were having that turned into the world’s most intense game night. we’re talking a 5 wives vs. 5 husbands match of trivial pursuit that erupted into a lot of screaming and cheering that i’m sure woke up every single person within a hundred miles. and it lasted until one in the morning. even after that when everyone sat around and talked nicolaus and I played a slightly more mellow one on one match. until three in the morning.

what would be the smart thing at this point? coming home and going to sleep? or coming home and watching vines with puppies for another hour? definitely coming home and going to sleep. that’s not the decision we made. and i don’t regret it even a little bit because i think puppy videos make you happier than sleep. and i love my sleep.

when 4 am rolled around we decided it was about time to go to sleep. obviously, that didn’t happen.

instead we ended up talking about anything and everything you can possibly imagine. i think we can now comfortably say that we know every single thing that happened to each other before we met in 2010. and every single thing that worries/excites us about the future. i’ll be the first to admit that most of the time i’m really really terrible at expressing myself when something upsets me. i’m totally comfortable with showing the world the happy parts of me but it’s the not so happy parts that i usually just keep to myself. i can actually feel myself getting anxious even typing this right now. but there’s just something about staying up until ludicrous hours in the morning that makes me be able to divulge absolutely anything with no filter.

the best part about it is that as soon as i voice these concerns about life that sometimes overwhelm me i feel instantly better. nicolaus knows just what to say to give me better perspective and the longer i talk the easier it is for me to come to the conclusion that fretting so much over certain things is just a waste of my energy.

i could go on for days about all the epiphanies i experienced or things that just hit home with me last night (or rather this morning), but i will spare you and just let you know that it felt important to write this out because life can get you down and i just want to hold onto this feeling forever. or at least be able to look back and be reminded of this feeling. this feeling that everything is going to be okay in the end. and if it’s not okay it is not the end. yes, that’s from a very favorite quote of mine from the movie the best exotic marigold hotel :)

aaanyways, the last time either of us looked at the clock it said it was 6 am and we stayed up just a little longer revealing secrets and enjoying each other’s company before we drifted off to sleep. i woke up four hours later feeling more refreshed and refocused than i have in a while. maybe it was a leftover buzz from getting so riled up about a game of trivial pursuit but I think more likely than that it was from taking the time to reassess where i’ve been, where i am, where i’m going and what i truly value and believe in. even if the only time you have to do this is in the middle of the night, i highly recommend doing it. it’s the only thing I’ve found to bring me real, lasting joy and contentment in my life.