Friday, March 14, 2014

as of late.


i go through these phases where sometimes i feel like writing everything that happens down (whether in my personal journal or on this blog) so i can process it better. and it just so happens that a lot of the time i end up spilling my guts on the internet. i always think i'm going to regret it, but so far i never have. putting myself out there always seems to pay off, because i've gotten some really sweet, amazing comments from all you fellow bloggers. it's what makes this strange blogosphere feel like a safe place made up of real people dealing with the same issues and pressures of everyday life.

but lately i feel like i've been lacking inspiration or the right words or thoughts or photos and can't figure out how to express myself the way i want to. i have all sorts of drafts written up on body image, accepting your flaws or even my favorite places to eat, but i can't bring myself to finish/publish them. i'm glad that i've documented a few of the things we've been up to recently - especially our trip to newbury park! but whenever i think about documenting the thoughts i've been having lately, i feel unmotivated to do it. it's felt like a chore, so i just haven't done it. i've been in this writing funk and i think a big part of it has to do with being in a sort of life funk.

turns out, knowing that when fall rolls around it doesn't mean the usual back-to-school is kind of a terrifying thing. i feel like my future is coming at me full speed and i need to figure it all out right now. which just leaves me feeling all sorts of frazzled. and makes me not able to prioritize and focus on what actually needs to get done and what can wait. luckily, i'm married to an extremely rational person who always somehow manages to put my worst fears to rest. i'm still working on the whole learning how to express them as they come up thing? i'm really bad about letting things fester. but i always feel better after a good chat to nicolaus, so you'd think i'd learn to always do that as soon as things start to overwhelm me. ha, maybe one day. and to all my blogging friends out there, married or unmarried: i highly recommend a good chat with someone you trust. it will probably help you solve (or at least feel better) about most of your problems. simply saying things aloud and getting an outside perspective can do a world of good.

but for now, i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, as nicolaus and i start to figure out our plans and whatnot and just take it a day at a time. i'm starting to feel more excited/less terrified of the future. and regain perspective on what's really important in life.

oh, and as far as the embarrassing selfies go, they actually have two meanings behind them. one, is that just before we left for california, my amazing-hairdresser-mother-in-law did my hair and is helping me go from bleached platinum blonde back to regular blonde. i never documented anything about it and figured i should cause it's my hair and i'm a girl and feels like a big life change that i'm excited about! haha and two, remember my goal to meditate for ten minutes everyday this year? well it hasn't happened every single day, but i have been doing it as often as possible and i feel like it can do a world of good for body image issues. a big part of it is i've been working on appreciating my body and all the amazing things it does for me. and not compare it to other people. and love it for what it is, flaws and all. and somehow posting embarrassing up-close huge selfies of my face makes me feel like i'm accepting what i look like with confidence? i don't know, it just makes sense in my mind. maybe i really need to post one of me looking my worst? ha or not. i'm thinking too hard and probably just shouldn't post any selfies. oh and kudos to anyone who has a) read this entire post. or b) understood any part of this post. haha i love you all and i'm going to stop typing now.

18 comments:

  1. Dude, you're beyond gorgeous. And as I was reading your post I was thinking, "At least you're married to someone you consider your best friend. I'm sure he reassures you and whatnot" and then I read the part where you talk about your man. Super cute.

    We all have our days (or weeks or months) but things get better and we eventually get out of that funk. I'm excited to see what the future holds in store for you!

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    1. aww thanks krystal you are seriously the sweetest!! haha yeah i definitely did luck out with him :) and thank you thank you that it always reassuring to hear!

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  2. You are so beautiful Shayla. Inside and out! It's funny because I'm actually in the exact same boat right now. Alex and I are taking some big steps in our future soon and because it is getting more real, it is getting more and more terrifying. But with that being said every time Alex and I talk about it, that terrifying feeling goes away. It always comes back, but I love those moments where as a couple we get strength from each other. You're the best Shayla! Love ya!

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    1. yes yes EXACTLY. haha i'm glad i'm not the only one in that boat! and thank you so much you are too nice! love ya too!!

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  3. I'm not quite sure what to say, but your disposition is tasteful. I love every word that you have to say. Just know that you are certainly not rambling - I mean even if you are, that means all bloggers do it.
    I'm very happy that the direction you're heading in is purposeful, and one that you are eagerly excited for :) x

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    1. thank you so much for all of your kind words!! haha and that's always good to hear about the rambling :) thank you pretty lady - i really am!

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  4. Thank you for this. I needed it. And I agree. I am the exact same way. I have loved following your blog :) xoxo

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    1. thank you sierra that it the nicest thing to hear!! :)

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  5. i fel the same way about the future. it's gotten scary all of of sudden to think of all the changes! graduating/moving/life in general... but after talking about it i've started to feel more excited. you're a beauty & i like that you're documenting your hair change! & way to go on the meditation. i think it is super important to do!

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    1. yess it really does blow my mind how quickly life seems to be changing!! and you're so sweet - that means a lot coming from you and your beautifully-always-perfect hair :)

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  6. you are truly a beauty! and you and nics talks were a real treat on sunday, you guys are too wonderful!

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    1. you're so sweet amanda thank you so much!! i just feel so lucky that you met you guys in this ward! :)

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  7. here are a couple comments: you are beautiful and i admire your bravery to post close-up pics of yourself - i don't do that because ...i dunno. also, i like your thinking blog posts where you just lay it all out there; the blog world is great at listening. also, not knowing the future is FREEEEKY-DEEEEKY but you guys will sort it out. it will be awesome.

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    1. thank you thank you thank you! you are so sweet and SO right. haha it really is!!

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  8. You are brave, and wonderful, and honest and raw. I love everything about this and your beauty in your writing is so inspirational

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    1. you seriously just made my day. what a nice compliment! those are all things i aspire to be :) thank you so, so much!

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  9. You are absolutely beautiful! And thank you for being so honest. You are right, just take things one day at a time and you will figure everything out!
    xo TJ

    http://www.hislittlelady.com

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    1. thank you thank you! and yes too true and something i'm constantly trying to remind myself :)

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